A Passerby’s Trail

It’s good to look back at life once in a while.  Looking back guides our way forward.  You are able to better appreciate and enjoy what you have and who you are right now when you know how to look back.  So, let me tell you this…

Every once in a while, in my dreams, I still see myself dressed in a habit doing things I used to do when I was a nun for seven years.   It’s strange…  But I have a hunch that the Sisters who have been pretty close to me must see me in their dreams as a nun, too.

Thinking about being a nun has become an exotic idea these days. People usually think that being in a convent is being away from the outside world.  They think that when someone decides to become a nun, the person’s identity would be taken away from her. Her name would be changed. She’d have to wear a habit (like everybody else). She wouldn’t be allowed to express her own opinions. She would be told what to do and what to think.

But that wasn’t my case…

Being in a convent gave me a measure of freedom and independence not available to most other women.  I was far from being cloistered behind convent walls… I travelled a lot so I could serve different ministries.  I’ve been to places I would have never been. I got immersed in many cultures and dialects, and worked overtime at offbeat jobs.  Constantly, my intelligence was challenged… my skills were honed… my heart and my will, tested.  And I had often wished I had more than 24 hours in a day!

During those precious seven years, I was able to meet a lot of people.  And I mean, a lot!  I have always been an introvert, even though I am able to talk endlessly in a public crowd.  Unlike most introverts though, I just don’t hang around and wait for other people to talk to me.  I like having conversations, but I prefer to talk to people one at a time. And I like slower-paced discussions. So when I was a nun, I was always thrown into situations when people I just met for the first time would come up to me and start telling me about their personal life.  It was very flattering, yes.  But I guess, I felt more of being so blessed that people could give me their instant trust. 

Life in the convent was never drudging. I was always updated with the latest news.  I was in the streets doing protests and prayer rallies with the poor.  I was a moderator and commentator at a mass when the biggest World Youth Day was held.  When internet cafes opened for business in Manila, I had this particular yahoo account registered.  In the convent, I got to read seven books in a month.  I had the luxury of being able to read books you could hardly find in public libraries, even centuries-old journals handwritten in Spanish.

But now that I’m here, it’s difficult to convince people that being a nun is absolutely awesome. Being a nun isn’t just about following the rules.  It isn’t just about faith and religion. It’s completely about love.  It’s about stretching yourself as far as you can — so you’ll be able to contribute something significant to the fulfillment of God’s work.  And it’s definitely hard work.  So, you have to pray all the time.

A disciplined prayer life is very important because prayer avails you not only of God’s power, but also of His resources.  So, you have to have an active prayer life if you want to survive.  You have to be committed and creative to keep it alive.  You can’t compromise prayer time just because you are busy in your ministry.  Undisciplined prayer life is almost no prayer life at all.

My stories about convent life are endless, but I have to stop for now.  Seven years inside the hallowed walls was an experience I am forever grateful — because I was able to actually live in a world which only a handful of people get to see… 

Perhaps someday, I could find time to write more about this notable life experience…  That, of course, depends upon my mood…  But there’s a 101% possibility that I can post a follow-up entry because writing has always been — my greatest passion!